Why Making Friends as an Adult Is So Hard — And What to Do About It
Making friends as an adult is hard — like, dating-level hard. You put all this energy into a new connection, cross your fingers, and hope it doesn’t end in ghosting (which, honestly, happens on both sides).
In this blog post, we’re talking about why connection matters so much, why making friends in your 20s and 30s feels so awkward, and of course — we’re sharing some solid tips to help you find your people. Keep reading, because we dug through social media and real-life advice to bring you the good stuff.
Why is making friends in your 20s or 30s sooo difficult?
Let’s be real, making friends in your 20s or 30s feels like trying to join a group chat that’s been active since 2012. When you’re younger, friendship just happens—school, sports teams, dorms—instant BFF generators. But now? Everyone’s got jobs, side hustles, pets, therapy, and limited social energy. Plus, vulnerability gets way harder when you’re older…asking someone to hang out can feel like proposing marriage. And trust? That takes time when you've been burned before. So no, you're not bad at friendships, you’re just an adult. And the rules have totally changed.
Why do we crave new connections?
Even if you’re killing it at work or crushing your solo goals, not having close friends hits different—and it’s not just about being social.
Here’s what the research shows:
Meaningful adult friendships boost mental health
Friendships reduce stress
Social connections can even help you live longer.
It’s science. And yeah, adulting gets lonely sometimes. Whether you just moved, your old crew drifted, or you’re just feeling off, wanting new connections isn’t desperate—it’s deeply human.
Tips that work: How to Make Friends as an Adult
Here’s the tea: making friends as an adult won’t happen unless you make the first move.
So yes, here’s some tips to help:
Send that “wanna hang out?” text!
Start that convo at school or at a fitness class, even if your inner teen is screaming. Friendship is a slow burn, not a viral moment.
Join a club — this can help you connect with people who share the same interests! Eg: book club, CrossFit community, language classes or any activity you're passionate about — the formula is simple (and a bit ironic, but it works): You do an activity → you meet people at that activity → then you invite them to do things outside of that activity and build stronger connection with them.
Join friend-making platforms (and no, we don’t mean Tinder). This could be something like Meetup, Bumble BFF, or even social media platforms. Sometimes, simply showing up online and sharing your interests, values, and hobbies can help the right people find you. Just one thing to be cautious about this approach: always be mindful of scammers or unverified profiles.
If social stuff makes you spiral, CBT or DBT can seriously help. Therapy isn’t just for trauma, it’s also for learning how to not overthink every “hey” you send.
We get that it is challenging! You have to show up, be a little awkward, and repeat! You’ve got this!
Community events in Calgary
If you're in Calgary and feeling ✨chronically lonely✨, The Cognitive Corner has actual community events in Calgary around friend-making where people show up just to make new friends … yes, that’s a thing now. We made them because we’ve all been that anxious person showing up alone, pretending to text or check the weather app.
These events are chill, cozy, and full of people who are also trying to make real connections. It’s honestly the best way to meet new friends as an adult without the pressure of being “network-y” or fake.
Conclusion
Making friends in adulthood might feel like a myth, but it’s totally possible—and so worth the effort. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start. Be a little brave, try something new, talk to your therapist about the mental blocks, and maybe show up to a local event (👋 hi, that’s us). You deserve people who hype you up, laugh with you, and remind you that you’re not alone in this wild ride of adulting.
TLDR ( Too Long Didn’t Read):
Making friends as an adult is hard—but you’re not broken, you’re just busy and human.
Real connection takes effort, courage, and showing up (awkwardness and all). Whether it’s sending that “let’s hang” text, joining a club, or attending a chill community event (hi, Calgary!), friendship is still out there.
You’ve got this—and you don’t have to do it alone.
References
Cain, A. (2022). How to make friends in midlife. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/01/how-to-make-new-friends-midlife/621231/
Guha, A. (2021). How adults can make and keep new friends. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-adults-can-make-and-keep-new-friends
Miles, M. (2022). 12 ways to make friends as an adult and tips to keep them. BetterUp. https://www.betterup.com/blog/making-friends-as-an-adult
American Psychological Association. (2023). Making and keeping friends. Monitor on Psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/making-and-keeping-friends
